Not now, not ever
by absolute nonsense
Summary: It wasn't him. It'll never be him anymore. Jess is gone and he's not coming back, not now, not ever.


**A/N: Heyy guys, so here's another One.Shot. This will probably be the saddest thing I have ever wrote. Anyways, please read&&review! I hope you guys will like it, sorry it's short. I was like crying while I was writing this.**

**Leave love! 33**

**-Mezz ♥**

**Disclaimer: Nothing.**

**Note: Inspired by the songs "Hurt" By Christina Aguilera and "Gallery" By Mario Vazquez and "Irreplaceable" By Beyoncé.**

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_**Not Now, Not Ever.**_

It's been so long. So long since he had left. Since he had left her. About a year has part. To Rory Gilmore, that was probably the worst year of her entire life. Her best friend, and possibly, the man she may have loved, is gone. Rory was curled up on her couch, her eyes red, from crying. Cheeks wet from the tears. She stared at the TV, which, by the way, was off. Since this very day, it has been one year since Jess Mariano died. Rory could remember it as if it were yesterday. The day she found out Jess was dead:

_ Today was the day. The day that Rory decided, she was going to tell him now, she loves him. She was going to Philly. Before she left, she was getting ready in her room. As she was fixing her hair, she heard whispering coming from the living room. It was Luke and Lorelai. Rory walked out of her bedroom to see what was going on. When Luke had seen Rory, he smiled sadly. She smiled back, and saw that Luke's eyes were teary. Lorelai turned around and faced Rory._

_"What's going on?" Rory asked._

_"Nothing, um, sweetie, we'll be upstairs for a sec. Be right back." Lorelai said and both her and Luke rushed upstairs. Rory was confused, and decided to follow and see what was up. What? She was curious. She walked up the stairs quietly, and saw Lorelai and Luke in her mom's bedroom. Rory hide at the top of the stairs, she sat down and listened._

_"Luke, I--I don't want to say. I'm so sorry." Lorelai said._

_"How can I tell Liz. Let alone, Rory!" Luke shouted, but not loud enough, so Rory wouldn't here if she were downstairs. Luke sat on the bed and so did Lorelai. Luke had tears falling from his eyes. "How can I tell my sister that her son is dead!"_

_Rory froze. Dead!?_

_"Luke--"_

_"I can't just go up to her and say Jess is dead. That he died from a car accident. That...that he was coming here. Here to Stars Hollow." Luke tried to blink away a few tears. Lorelai, surprisingly, was crying as well. _

_"I don't understand though. Why would he been coming here?"_

_"Maybe he was coming to see you?" Lorelai responded. Luke shook his head. "No, no, not me. Rory. He was coming to obviously see Rory." Luke begun to cry more. Jess, his nephew, was gone._

_Rory tried to hold in her tears, but she couldn't. She ran downstairs and ran out the door. All she did was run, she ran and cried. Down threw the streets of Stars Hollow and to the bridge. When she made it, she slowed down and walked to the middle and fell over. She fell hard. Onto the wooden bridge and cried even harder then her fall. Rory couldn't believe it. Just as she thought, she was going to see _him_, he was coming to see _her_. Jess got into an accident, coming to see her. Rory couldn't help but think it was all her fault. All Rory, did that night was cry on the bridge, the bridge where they shared everything, _they're_ bridge. _

Rory cried, as she re-lived that moment can't help but think it was her fault. Maybe he was coming to see her to tell her he loves her? Or maybe, tell her that they can only be friends? Or maybe that they can't be friends? Rory will never know they answer now.

At times, she forgets him, let alone, forget that he even existed. But most of the time. He was always on her mind. She would do just about anything, to see him again, to hear him again, so feel him, or maybe even kiss him. Talk to him most of all. Wanting to apologize. Rory sighed. In front of her, on the coffee table, was his book, _The Subsect_. She'd treasure that book, and guard it with her life. Cause now, that was the only thing she had left of him. The only thing she'd ever have to something near him.

She heard the door open. For some reason, Rory jumped up and thinking it was him at the door. Why? Sometimes, when her phone rings, or the door bell rings, she'd think it would be Jess, but it's not.

Rory ran over to the door.

"I'm home!" She heard him call out.

"Jess!?" Rory calls out with a smile.

"Who?" Logan asks confused. Rory's smiled faded. Tears stinging to come out. "Never mind." Rory says barely above a whispers. She turns around, and heads for her room.

"Ace!?" Logan shouted. But she ignores. Rory walked into her room and shuttled the door behind her. She pushed her back to the door and slid down. And cries. It wasn't him. It'll never be him anymore. Jess is gone and he's not coming back, not now, not ever...

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